TEAM LISA! (at the Race For Life)

I'm really appreciating life at the moment.

...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uxb8zV6QIZw
This video inspired me in so many ways.
First of all, it told me never to take life for granted. Any life you live is a promising life and it can take you anywhere. If you really want something, you have to go out there with your talents and your dreams to achieve whatever you want.
It also told me that you can take a couple of bad experiences and learn from them. Whatever doesn't kill you, really does make you stronger and if you take positive aspects from bad experiences, you can use them to develop your personality, for example, your endurance when facing tough times.
Just get back up when life knocks you down.


(The video was created by Kandee Johnson, a make up artist from America. I don't personally own this video. To view her youtube profile visit: http://www.youtube.com/user/kandeejohnson)

five percent.

Radiotherapy.

A treatment that provides a five percent chance that the cancer won't come back.
Is a mere five percent worth all the extra pain on top of everything else?

Hello, hello, hello.

Hello there - sorry I have abandoned my blog for a good two months now. I haven't had very much to write about in that period of time and I've been quite busy with revising for my exams in June.
However, I thought I'd pop into Blogspot and write an update on my life. Mum's approaching her last dose of chemo which is due this Thursday coming up. Hopefully it'll leave her cancer free but there is always the chance that she'll have to endure a round of radiotherapy. It'll be hard work - but worth it.
A couple of months ago, we signed up for the Cancer Research 'Race For Life' which is being held in Barnstaple, North Devon. Mum has managed to round up a group of ladies who are running it for us, combined to create a team called 'Team Lisa'! We've managed to get together a few pennies in sponsorship but we would like to raise as much as we can. If you're able to donate any money for this wonderful cause, please click on the link below.
http://www.raceforlifesponsorme.org/lisabarlow41
Every amount is highly appreciated. We've also ordered t-shirts for our running team. They're pink with navy writing saying 'TEAM LISA' on the back with a Cancer Research logo - so if you are attending the Race For Life in Barnstaple, you'll know who we are!
However, I'm not only running for my mum, I'm also going to run for my Granny and my Great Aunt who both passed away due to cancer. I think this run is a great way to honour them both.
Thank you to everyone who has been following my blog for being so patient with my absence and lack of blogging, many apologies to you all - also!
I'd also like to say thank you for people who have sponsored my family and friends for the Race For Life.
x

...

I'm in the right mind at this moment in time to write a long, descriptive complaint to the NHS Hospital in Barnstaple. I am appauled at their lack of respect for their cancer patients.

Wigs!

Mum got a wig! She and my aunty went to House of Fraser in Exeter to look for a wig as she is nearly on her second dose of chemotherapy and is due to lose her hair anytime soon.
I came home from school and mum showed me her new hair. To be perfectly honest, it wasn't any different from the hair she has now. It was still the same short, bob-shaped, dark chocolate brunette coloured hair. It comforted me to know that a part of her would remain the same.
She also purchased a rather odd accessory...it was an extra hair piece, a fringe. She bought it so whenever she didn't feel like wearing the wig (wigs can get quite itchy and hot) she could use the fringe under a hat.
Mum got her hair cut short as well so it's not as shocking when it falls out. I also discovered a rather interesting fact the other day. Mum's hairdresser told her that when your hair falls out, it can be painful. I thought it just effortlessly disappears one day.
Well, you know what they say - you learn something new everyday!

Positivity

Today mum and I went for a jog around the block. It wasn't a particularly long distance because anything too extreme could have made her suffer from severe pain but we managed to run the whole way without stopping. It's the little things like exercising that make you realise that your loved one is actually on the road to recovery.
My mum quoted a particularly poignant statement today, "Positivity equals possbility." She's right, positivity makes you more determined to succeed.
In mum's case, positivity makes her focus on getting better. It's a New Year's resolution that she's never going to break.

Today, mum has had her first dose of chemo. She looks so fragile, so small and pale in her bed. The "medicene" is already making her sick, it's a poison that her body wants to remove. I am also afraid that if I am around her too much, she'll catch my cold and it'll make her feel even worse. I wish I could just wrap her up in cotton wool and promise her a lifetime of good health.
Oh, if only I could give my mother good health, I'd do anything to give her that.
Pepe, my step father, is with her now. I have retreated to my room, hiding from the scariness and the reality of all of this whilst I am plugged into my music.
I am thankful for my music, it blocks out the sounds of my mum crying and being ill. In a way, I am trying to censor out the things I don't want to know. It sounds pathetic and childish, but I want to be able to remember my mum as the determined, strong, amazing woman I know she is, not a delicate, pale creature, who is weakened by this disease.
I know she has a lot of fighting spirit in her.

doubts.

How many weeks has it been since my mum first told me the bad news?
I don't have a clue to be honest. Time seems to have been stolen from us. Precious time.
I've had doubts recently. So many "what if's?" have been rushing through my mind, like a roll of credits on a film. What if mum doesn't get through this? What if she never gets better? What if she's never going to be my mum again, what if she changes?
I feel guilty in a way for being so doubtful and negative but I can't help it.
Today, I searched "breast cancer survival rates" on the internet. I saw that mum had obviously been thinking the same thing, she'd already clicked that link. We're sharing our doubts.

My mum is one of the strongest women I know, she's determined, caring and completely self-less - I owe it to her to be by her side, helping her with each struggle she faces so whatever the outcome of this battle may be, we'll be grateful that it has made us a much stronger family.

My mum's off to the oncologist tomorrow. She finds out when she'll have the chemotherapy and what type it will be. Next Monday, she's having a full body scan where they check for any other cancers in the body. I can't imagine how she's going to be feeling. I, myself am terrified.
I guess all we can do now is hope for the best.
Good luck, mum. We love you. x

I dream of hugging my mum whilst knowing that it doesn't cause her pain.

for mum.

"I know you have a little life in you yet
I know you have a lot of strength left."

-This Woman's Work, by Kate Bush.

I found a website the other day for teenagers with parent's who have cancer. It's called "riprap" and you can find it at:
http://www.riprap.org.uk/
There are stories from young people who are going through the same thing and there are also tips to help you deal with the situation. I really do reccommend this website.

I also started reading a book called "Even The Eyebrows?" by Sharon Morrison. It's an account of a woman's experience with breast cancer. It's not a scientific, vague book about the disease...it's straight-forward and to the point with a bit of English wit to lighten the mood!
This book is not only helpful for those with breast cancer, but for the friends or loved one's supporting them so they are aware of what they will be going through.

I hope this helps you in anyway possible.
x

Right. Slow this down. About two months ago, I was the average teenager;
I was self-involved, body concious, boy-crazed, stressed by exams and - normal.
But now it's January, the beginning of a year. 2010 to be precise.
I'm not sure of anything in my life right now, however there is one thing I am certain of...
...my mum has breast cancer.
And suddenly, I'm not the average teenager. I'm having to help my mum get dressed, I'm independent, I clean, I cook, I make sure my mum's taken her pills, I cry, I worry. I worry for my mum's life. Everyday. Every minute. Every second.
Suddenly, I realise I no longer turn to my friend's for advice or help. This isn't some silly little problem over boys or clothes. This is real life.
I turn to adults, professionals to help me grab hold of the little normality I have. So we can make her better. Because, in the end, that's what all this pain is for.
It's for my best friend, my mum.